How will you sell your province to a fellow Filipino? On this Reddit thread, netizens answer this question in a witty way!
We compiled the best 10 answers and find out how they market their own provinces that will bring you some laughs.
10. BATANGAS: WHERE “INTENSE PEOPLE” LIVE
“Batangas: lambanog, balisong, inuman, lahat na lang ng chance para magparty kukuhanin, lomi, urban and rural, maraming resort, Taal Lake, dagat, malapit sa Manila, Laguna, Cavite, at intense kaming lahat
Batangas is located in Southwestern part of Luzon, generally covered by nearby seas that’s why it it famous for beach hopping. Well, aside from that, Batangeños are really known for being “astig” who craft “Balisong” for living, drink strongly prepared “kapeng barako” and native liquor “lambanog” and their distinct filler “Ale eh!”
Best seller: Kapeng barako
9. BOHOL: PROVINCE OF THE HUMPS
“Bohol: My humps my humps my lovely lady lumps.”
Bohol is located in Central Visayas famous for pristine beaches and the Proposed UNESCO heritage Chocolate Hills . According to the folklore, two giants were fighting and throwing ball of mud towards each other and the left mess are the hundreds of “humps” that enriched the province tourism.
Best seller: Chocolate Hills
8. BULACAN: WHERE PASTILLAS AND YAYA DUB ARE “GOOD” FRIENDS
“Bulacan: Pastillas,Ensaymada and Barasoain Church.
Sa inyo rin galing si Yayadub.
OPO! nakalimutan ko. :)”
“Masarap magpaputok samin. Bocaue, Bulacan. Oh wait province lang?”
Bulacan is among the most progressive provinces in the Philippines. Its people — the Bulaqueños (or Bulakenyo in Filipino — are regarded as highly educated, enterprising and industrious. It is well known for the following industries: marble and marbleised limestone, jewelry, pyrotechnics, leather, aquaculture, meat and meat products, garments, furniture, high-value crops, sweets like pastillas and native delicacies, and a wide variety of high-quality native products. To AlDub nation, Yaya Dub is from Bulacan as well! so let’s expect that there are many adorable ladies like her in the province.
Best sellers: Fireworks and Firecrackers – Pastillas and Yaya Dub too!
7. ILOCOS NORTE: THE MARCOS’ KINGDOM
“Ilocos Norte: Longanissa, Empanada, Tourism, Paoay Church Windmills and The Mother Fucking Marcoses”
Ilocos Norte is noted for being the birthplace of former President Ferdinand E. Marcos, who led an authoritarian rule over the country during the latter half of his incumbency. The Marcoses enjoy a modicum of popularity in the province. Setting aside the family, there are so much places to explore in the province like Paoay Church and the windmills. You can also indulge your stomach in eating longanissa and empanada.
Best seller: Windmills! or the Marcoses? you decide!
6. ROMBLON: MARBLE EVERYWHERE
“Romblon: Marble earrings, bracelet, pendant, lamp shade, and Lapida. We even sell dildos
Marble dildos?
Yeah
For those who want it rock-hard I guess.”
Romblon is strategically situated at the center of the Philippine archipelago. It is composed of three major islands (Tablas, Sibuyan and Romblon) and 17 minor and small islands. The province is popular for various marble products such as lampshades, furnitures, bracelets, earring and gravestones. Try to confirm if there is a marble “dildo” as one of the netizens commented.
Best seller: Marble products definitely!
5. LAND OF BEACHES AND BITCHES: ZAMBALES
“Zambales: we have many beautiful bitc..ehh beaches here.”
Local and foreign tourist flock its many beaches creating many job opportunities and contributing to the economy. Most of the province is still agricultural but there are considerable industrial zones that provide jobs not just for residents of Zambales but also for neighboring provinces. Mining has recently been booming in Zambales where there is an abundant deposit of Nickel and other minerals.
Best seller: Beaches ofcourse!
4. THE SWIMMING POOL CAPITAL OF THE PHILIPPINES: RIZAL
“Rizal – We have shitloads of swimming pool”
Rizal is a mountainous province perched on the western slopes of the southern portion of the Sierra Madre mountain range. Since its near in Metro Manila, city dwellers find it the easiest place to go whenever they want to go out of town that’s why many resorts were developed in the area. And Preseedent was right, there are really shitloads of resorts and swimming pools in Rizal!
Best selling: The shitloads of swimming pools!
3. WHERE PEACE AND WAR MEET: BASILAN AND SULU
“Basilan & Sulu: highest board and lodging rates with armed guards. You will be one with nature and be isolated from the rest of the world.
plus there you will be able to find your self-worth.”
If I will be selling this province, it might be a hard task as we all know that Basilan and Sulu are two of the most dangerous places in the Philippines. If you really want to find your self worth then go there! Appreciate the nature and the serenity but goodluck to your life!
Best seller: Not the armed guards but the Muslim way of life
2. THE LAND WHERE THE BEAUTY POURS: BICOL
“Bicol , just Be-Cool even it’s hot- chili hot (labuyo). Laing, bicol express, pili candies, Caramoan, Mayon volcano, magayon (beautiful) girls.”
Bicol is one of the well-known provinces in the country boasting its natural beauty. Aside from having lots of active mountains, Uragons or Bicol natives are habitually love to eat chili and spicy foods such as Bicol express. They are also known for being brave and unstoppable.
Best seller: Bicolandia beauties!
1. WE OWN YOU ALL – MANILA
“Metro Manila: tons of time to meditate or catch up on TV shows while stuck in traffic.
they should fear factor the traffic in EDSA.”
“Imperial Manila: We own you all.
Wait, what were we supposed to be doing?
no no you were doin the right thing. we are not worthee”
Being the country’s capital, Manila has been the center of the Philippine economy, politics, wealth and even show business. That’s why people living in the province considered the city as “Imperial Manila” where decisions are just make for the place where the central government is located without considering other provinces. But if they are really considering Manila, we are bothered by the questions, “Why we experience traffic”, “Why the city is not properly industrialized?” and why the city is densely populated and poverty still exist”
Well so much of this “Imperial Manila” and the “heavy traffic,” Manila is rich in history since spanish colonization that’s why many historical places are here like Intramuros, various museums and monuments.
Best seller: Let’s settle in history 🙂
What can you say about the way of selling their provinces? Comment your thoughts.
(photo credits to the rightful owners)
Ay tunay ka pare. Samahan mo pa ng kapeng barako.”